But Not Who

shadow dancingLooking around seeing nothing
or rather little
rankingly rascally clouds
deft diving dragonflies
chickadee goldfinch and humming hummingbird
but not you, not you

Feeling around feeling nothing
or rather little
senile seminal sea breezes
elephantine elf ermine
shepherds, chihuahuas and Sephardic shelties
but not you, not you

Turning around there is nothing
or rather little
tall tanning treetops
fetchingly fast feathers
flora fauna and flowering flowers
but not you, not you

But of course waiting for nothing
forever little
grinding guilty grand grooves
tapping toes tautly
seeing softly spilling sunrise
but not you, not you

But Not Who

Sailing on a Small Story

boat in moonlightThe countryside is openly flat
she is aware of something else
she has only herself to blame
for whatever else will happen
strangely enough Peter Pan doesn’t want any more
because he’s telling the story

he thinks he sees an unexpected kiss
while on an old stone bridge
as someone hands him a rose
although the place is hardly cultivated
he caustiously realizes
it’s only a story

She walks into the feeling bravely
on that old stone bridge
hearing a far away dog whimper
of course she feels silly
because she is forced to believe
it’s only a story

The world seems tangibly better
because he can see her floating
while he wishes for a secret encounter
maybe in a castle near a moat
under an ovewhelmingly uninhabited sky
because it’s supposed to be a story

She cherishes the memories of the secret encouner
maybe in an unfamial office near a river
where he will be seen floating
in the moonlight, only brighter
fulfilled by a casual listener
who knows this is a story

And always there will be the happily ever after
perhaps it will be near the ocean
that she will kiss him under watchful eyes
and he will say lets go somewhere secret
where no one can see or hear or touch us
because this is only a story

Sailing on a Small Story

Just a Chance in Hell

on a motorcycleUsually I put my tray on the table
and sit down always wondering if
maybe today she would say okay
or yes or sure or why not
instead of Sorry or not today
but always maybe was in the air

Today hesitating waiting until
with her I always needed permission
“Men are such assholes,” she groaned
as I sat down, now more uncomfortable
wondering if it was me… wondering
if I was the such asshole

“Not you,” she said with half a smile
“You’re different,” as if I wasn’t
either an asshole or a man or what?
“I mean, what the hell do they want?”
she said as if I had a clue
but I wanted her even though…

Not a chance in hell she would say
if I dared ask her, which I didn’t
which was why I was different
which was because I knew she was
out of my hands which was only
because I thought I was different

She broke up with her boyfriend
She was a great lay he said and all that
but married married, was dangerous
So she told him what to do with himself
that he wasn’t that great a lay
and she left after all

So, I said, maybe we could go for
a drink somewhere and talk about it
if she wanted, which apparently she
did not because she said, maybe
tomorrow, I’m just to bummed now

She didn’t show up for work
the next day or the day after
and I never saw her again which
in the long run was okay because
after all, I was different

And I surely wasn’t crazy enough
to get on the back of a motorcycle
to ride with my arms around someone
who always made me feel like shit
even if he said, let’s go to Vegas
and get married, right now.
Which is what she did that night.

Just a Chance in Hell

The Sheets Were Cold

empty bedThis morning when I looked out
the sun was shining, but it wasn’t
’cause when I rolled over to touch
I realized for the first time
in a longer than long time
the bed was more than I needed
and the sheets were cold

You’ve been leavin’ for longer
than I wanted to tell you when
I whispered about love and lovin’
for longer than you thought
before you were able to hear
the words you were really hearing
which sounded more like run to you

Screaming at the walls now
trying to fill the empty space
but words and thought and hope
and breathing and torment and
love and a bit of remembering
or any of what used to be
won’t

So now you know
that I always
but there was no stopping
when mattering wasn’t
because my dreams
were nightmares for you
until you unfortunately
woke up

The Sheets Were Cold

A Going Crazy Two

headlights-fsSitting here reading
It’s been two pages
And I don’t remember a word

I am with you
As if walking
As if I’ve said all I can say
As if I love you
As if that’s not enough
Not anymore
I don’t know what you want me to say
I don’t know how to go back and fix
Whatever it is I broke
I don’t really know
But you expect me to
Understand you don’t see
How a man’s head can be cement
How his ears can be bunged
How his heart might not and
Wonder why beat in unison
In this case yours

Haven’t I been paying
Enough attention to you
I haven’t wanted to do
Enough of what you do
Though the ground you
Walk on is always a surprise

But

I have.
I have!
I have two and two
A going crazy two to
Understand

Sitting here I would
Desperately not knowing
The difference between two
Better than I have to
Short of being

Is that what you want?
I ask
No
You say

But it is
Isn’t it
You want me to be two
To give up the one
And only for the only one
You want whatever I
Should know it is

Understanding, though…
Isn’t that a truck in the middle
Of a dark, rainy, dreary night
Without headlights around a curve
As if the light of the moon is
Enough is never enough
And more than enough is what
Will wear the brakes if the hill
Is steeper than the dark is
Too much for the moon.

You don’t understand
And that’s what I’ve been
Saying I don’t either
As if it should have meaning
Enough to be left
Unsaid
But then, it’s raining
And it always has been

A Going Crazy Two